I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
