Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
