You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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