The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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