he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
