WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
