Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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