just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
