i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
