he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
