Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Panties = found
Randomize
