fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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