Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sorry my hands just texted you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
