I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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