Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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