i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need to sanitize my soul.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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