my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
