Its about making memories worth repressing
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
