Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
