i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize