I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
