So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
