After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
