Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
