My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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