On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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