the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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