You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
