i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
