Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
