Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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