New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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