Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
