He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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