it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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