i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
