I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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