another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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