When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
