a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
