what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
