I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
