i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
