Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
