WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
