Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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