All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
