remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
