I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
