I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
even my farts smell like vagina
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
