Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize