Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she smelled like a LAN party
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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