my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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