Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
