I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize