She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
