he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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