how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He better not be in your backpack
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
