Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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