Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
