Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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