Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
