the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
