By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
