honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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