I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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