he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am puke
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
