Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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