Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
