Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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