Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
