honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
