why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
