Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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