NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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