she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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