so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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