I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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