mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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