I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
