I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize