He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
