I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
