Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
