Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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