ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize