no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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