mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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