i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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