Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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