She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
