dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
