clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
