we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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