i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
