How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
