Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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