If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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