I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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