The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
