So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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