Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
