why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
