Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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