I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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