So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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