I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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