I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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